I remember when I couldn’t remember the last time I prayed. I remember leaving God out of my conscious world. Maybe I didn’t let Him in because I was never worthy. I was never worthy…nor am I now.
But I’ve come to know God, yes in my conscious world and the most private part of my soul. How grateful I am.
From book, “My Conscience”, pg. 123 in entirety:
I was told growing up about my conscience. And if my conscience told me not to, or in doubt – then don’t (do it). Of course, sometimes that seemed to gear me to proceed anyway. I guess I looked at it as my conscience and I could ignore it or persuade it. Now I see my conscience as God in me, my built-in means from and to God. Inside of me, one who talks to me, fusses with me, praises me and sometimes condemns me. That hand on my shoulder, that hand in my face. My conscience…God in me to guide and teach me.
Maybe if I’d learned earlier, my conscience was actually God in me, talking to me – the Holy Spirit in me, I wouldn’t have tried so hard to trick me into those things I doubted. But I would have known He was with me, inside of me, as I grew in struggles while not knowing Him. (see I John 3:24)
Sometimes we seem to not have a conscience though. Maybe we’ve ignored it so long, or conditioned ourselves, in a way to survive our wrong. We all know it’s easier to live with ourselves in a wrong, if we ignore our conscience. Otherwise we’d not survive our self-condemnation in a wrong (to do it anyway). And yes, we all have wronged at some point. But God in us, when we look to Him and search for forgiveness – we only need look in our heart. For when our heart condemns us not, we know we are right with God. And know in our wrongs, when our hearts condemn us, turn to God. He will turn our hearts as we turn to Him, for God is greater than our hearts (see I John 3:19-21).