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As I awake today, I feel this uneasy feeling.  It’s not unfamiliar as it creeps into my presence.  Oh Lord – I need you today; shake this from me.  Protect us in this world from the evils which haunt our lives.  As I pray evil to consume itself, I also pray for us along it’s path.  We in ourselves don’t always move away from it’s direction, yet our souls long for it’s rest.  Protect us from ourselves who keep not evil at-bay.  Protect us this day in a world edging along this volatile path we’re on.  Protect our souls Lord so we may endure what we have sown.  Help us Lord to glow a new and cover the old deep below.  Bring to life a planting in our world of your hope and love for us.  Bring light into our world where darkness always lurks, enlighten the hearts therein.  All of us are there in this darkness on a given page of our lives.  Help us to turn those pages, never to open to our hearts again.

Protect us oh Lord from this evil in ourselves, and bring your glory into our world.

Do I dare write on this, Connie’s world?  Do I even attempt to place the words for such a complex state – yet so simple?  I dwell too much though.  I dwell and ponder and see much in my world.  Too much?  In my own being of mind I sometimes seem to ponder apart.

My own son told me once I lived in a fairy tale world.   He was mad at me at the time and it just came out with his emotions.  He later said he didn’t mean it but I truly wonder if he really did.

When I talk of the spiritual concept of a way and attitude there, I voice what I think.  I conceive through a different reality from others around me.  Thus, Connie’s world they kid about.  I seem to pull situations and possibilities from nowhere of basis.  Why do I see things as I do?  Am I really and only in Connie’s world?  Do I create things delusional from my pondering so much?

In Connie’s world there is no cell phone; never has been and hopefully never will be a need.  And so I enjoy what God has put before me – not man through “witty inventions”.  I enjoy the quiet and beauty and rest God gives us in this world.  We only need look around…right under our feet, or over our head – look up.  Enjoy the colors of the sky and the lines of our earth as they embrace.  Look for it everyday.  I’ve before been amazed at a gorgeous sunrise, yet to others they didn’t even notice…look up sometimes.  The beauty there helps ease what ails below.  Someone told me when I retired “sunrises and snowflakes” is what retirement is.  He was one to always notice the sunrise too, and yep, what a plan in start to each day “sunrises and snowflakes” – on a given season of course.

And I thank God for His dwelling place for me everyday.  I am so blessed I live in Connie’s world.

Quiet Garden

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I remember when I couldn’t remember the last time I prayed.  I remember leaving God out of my conscious world.  Maybe I didn’t let Him in because I was never worthy.  I was never worthy…nor am I now.

But I’ve come to know God, yes in my conscious world and the most private part of my soul.  How grateful I am.

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From book, “My Conscience”, pg. 123 in entirety:

 I was told growing up about my conscience.  And if my conscience told me not to, or in doubt – then don’t (do it).  Of course, sometimes that seemed to gear me to proceed anyway.  I guess I looked at it as my conscience and I could ignore it or persuade it.  Now I see my conscience as God in me, my built-in means from and to God.  Inside of me, one who talks to me, fusses with me, praises me and sometimes condemns me.  That hand on my shoulder, that hand in my face.  My conscience…God in me to guide and teach me.

Maybe if I’d learned earlier, my conscience was actually God in me, talking to me – the Holy Spirit in me, I wouldn’t have tried so hard to trick me into those things I doubted.  But I would have known He was with me, inside of me, as I grew in struggles while not knowing Him.  (see I John 3:24)

Sometimes we seem to not have a conscience though.  Maybe we’ve ignored it so long, or conditioned ourselves, in a way to survive our wrong.  We all know it’s easier to live with ourselves in a wrong, if we ignore our conscience.  Otherwise we’d not survive our self-condemnation in a wrong (to do it anyway).  And yes, we all have wronged at some point.  But God in us, when we look to Him and search for forgiveness – we only need look in our heart.  For when our heart condemns us not, we know we are right with God.  And know in our wrongs, when our hearts condemn us, turn to God.  He will turn our hearts as we turn to Him, for God is greater than our hearts (see I John 3:19-21).

True awakening is upon us.  As we hear the sounds of many miracles just before us.  We look and the world opens in a light we awe to see.  We yearn to see.

Facets of old life come to new.  A rebirth of our faith, we will see this new life…this new hope.  As we await the subtle burst of color – we watch as it unfolds…to a glorious sight.  God’s glory…His gift of hope He brings!

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John 10:16, “And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd.”

Is that not awesome?  It sends chills of joy – how awakening…one fold, and one shepherd.  There is always hope in God.

We are told to “love our neighbors as ourselves”.  I’ve often stumbled at those words “love others as ourselves”.  To say they are loved because, and as I love myself…most days I can’t say I so love myself.  How can I, a so sinful and inept self, that I feel as my mind can be?  But I want to be treated well (my flesh versus my spirit?).

I see an understanding as if “how I want to be treated.”   How do we want others to treat us?  Then act upon others as we ourselves want to be acted upon.  Love our neighbors as ourselves.

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“All are One”, from book pg. 93 (in entirety)

For I am nothing in me.  Nothing more nor less.  I am what God has made me.  To build and learn to know Him.  Nothing more nor less.

When we all be one way, or we all be different…when we’re full and from need, or we be lacking…we still be the same.  As I read in I Corinthians, there I see the words God sends to show us.  There be no difference in whom we are.  For we all can come to be as one – through Christ, we can be manifest to one…as one we all will be.  (and see St. John 17:20-26 as Jesus prayed for us.)

So why do we fight and begrudge the differences we see in each other now?  Color, nor stature, nor gender, nor location or culture, no strengths of some, nor weakness of some…we through our Lord, are this way to be manifest as one at His coming.  See St. John 10:16 “other sheep not of this fold…them I bring, and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd.”  God includes each of us in building (see Galatians 3:26-28 all by faith are one in Christ).  Why struggle so to feed in deviations…in judgments which create desolations among and in our world?  And see I Timothy 6:5 for “gain is not Godliness.”  Why struggle so to give importance?  That’s not what we are to look to for God.

As God shows us in our own body, we need all our members in the same equal amount.  We are all important to fill the stature of Christ-likeness, so we may build as one to God.  Jesus Christ as our head.  Hold strong to Him so He can build and include each of us and one in Him. (St. John 17:21).

He tells us, different administrations but the same God.  So why do the deviations even bother us in matter?  Focus to God, focus all of us, as one through Christ our Savior.  “Create in us a clean heart oh Lord.” (Psalm 51:10).

When we think we choose the best, know as God has told “yet show I unto you a more excellent way.”  All matter, all the same we are.  There is no best way…but God for all of us.  All.  (I Corinthians 2:31)   And see (14:10) “There are so many kinds of voices in this world and none are without signification.”  Look for voices we may not normally hear.  Listen to even the smallest, most insignificant, whether seen to hear – for there God’s glory may shine.  As we open doors we dare not know…as God opens doors to us, guide dear Lord for your purpose in us.  In all of us!

Even in our best, most perfect walk in life, only God knows our end in journey.  Yet in so doing, know He will show “a more excellent way.”  His way, through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Who came for the not so perfect so we can all be one in Him.

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Hearts touch by others, you let me see the blessings just before me.  You hold my heart in tears as your presence is revealed.  The joy I seek is already with me, as you let me see dear Lord.  You move the simplest, of greatness to behold.  You move hearts one from another with but a smile.  You do it for us God, to fill us and feed us of encouraging reward.  You show us treasures in our life we never steered – you did – you fed hearts to reach one another.  Thank you God, you give us ways to go through our days to feed us.  May we always see as we’re so blessed by you.

See I Peter 3:9, 9 – “having compassion one of another.”  “…render blessings as then we also receive.”  And see 4:10 “as every man has received the gift, even so minister the same one to another.”  God guides us with our gifts in us, and He tells us, as I Timothy 4:14-16 shows: …give thyself wholly to them…(neglect not the gift that is in thee).  For it shall both save thyself and them that hear thee.  And He tells us “meditate upon these things.”  So we must try…

Yet why is it God when your presence is mentioned, or your grace is what we say our hope and faith is in, do some act as though they can’t believe we said what we did?  As though praise to others of you God, makes them feel uncomfortable and squirm.  They never even respond to what they heard (or read) from said ones proclaiming you in their  lives.  Why is that Lord?  (Satan’s try)

Why, when you pour your soul to another, do they never mention or talk about it?  That’s so strange.  What it does is throw guilt on the one pouring (their soul).  It makes one feel they should never have shared if it makes others so uncomfortable.  It leaves people feeling not able and wanting to share.  Why is that Lord?  (Satan’s try)

We must try.  And yet if we’re condemned in heart from our good works, take it patiently and with grace, (see I Peter 2:20) and we can know in our heart we will have reward still (in that glorious day).  God knows as we try, and He remembers.  (In read Mark 6:4)  He has cause for how we are and how things work.  His work – it is glorious in our sight.

If I wait to be worthy, that day never be.   But I know by God’s grace and in His time and control, I know then will be.  And the works and fruit to come in me, you will and are building.  Yet as I reflect upon my failures, I can see how I found you God.  For those times in my life have built me to know and see your blessings into my life.  And so I must try…

Let me move in haste as you weigh and feed my heart, before I ponder and your presence disappears.  Let me understand from you Lord and may your gifts in me give ability.  Keep me and place me and move me where you guide.  As others are before my path, move me Lord to touch their heart with your blessings.  And as I try, I pray you move me Lord so I can move with you in my life.

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Do you ever just feel broken?  I’ve felt this way now for three days.  I’ve prayed; I’ve read scripture; spent much time in devotion…and crying.  But this wave of empty and panic remains.  God’s trying to push an attention on me I know.  So I must write and then see where He leads.  My work for Him.

I feel such loss, for the loss I have endured, I feel I cannot.  It has overwhelmed me.  My focus cannot see.  Help me Lord to see your mercy, help me to dwell in your arms and let you hold me.  Just hold me.  And then I can quiet in your calm, for right now I cannot find  calm in my days.  I frantically search my mind as it wanders and grows dim in strength.  I need your power and Holy Spirit into my soul Lord – please take not away.

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From book in it’s entirety: pg. 13

Nothing Can Separate Us –

(Romans 8:39)  Nothing can “separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Nothing!  And yet we stumble from this –  from Jesus and what He actually does in our life.  See 9:32, 33 – a stumbling stone He is made.

That same to which we are saved, we stumble to accept…and often treat this hope as a “rock of offense.”  Why?  See Romans 9:32 – because we try and attain through works (ourselves) and not by faith.  If we keep faith – and build it daily – we can learn where Jesus is.  And rejoice that He is in our life, not by what we do to bring Him to us but by faith in God and His purpose.  (see 8:28 Romans, “…according to His purpose.” )  And we learn in our searching, and our groaning in suffer.  We learn to search God by the Spirit in ourselves…in our hearts placed by God through Jesus, for us to see Him (in us).  We learn through our groaning, what is the will of God’s purpose.

And through faith in Jesus – even when He stumbles our hearts – we learn to move in the place and the way He wants us.  Not we ourselves or any other, but our groanings carry us to God’s will.  So if and when we hurt – look to see where it may lead us.  Make sure, by surrender to God, this hurt has not a purpose.  God’s purpose in our life.

Through faith, non-waivering faith, in His Son, our Savior Jesus Christ, we may see His purpose as our life.  And nothing can separate us.  Nothing.

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I remember growing up, I prayed God make me wise.  I prayed it over and over.  And I prayed He let me be even a ray of light to others’ needs – ones in darkness.  I prayed this often, and really didn’t know why.  I also remember fretting over what to call God in my prayers:  dear God; Heavenly Father; dear Lord.  I thought it mattered and I didn’t want to say it wrong.

I didn’t know God then, nor especially Jesus.  It felt as though I was praying to an openness where God be – in heaven.  That’s all I knew.  I didn’t know God.  And nobody spoke (outside of church) of God – or Jesus – or that we loved Him.  We just left it at saying prayers and going to church.  Seemed to either be such a private matter or a cause for embarrassment once the teen years hit.  Maybe that was just me, but that’s how it seemed to be.

And then it came…life!  Through the years I’ve come to know Jesus – for cause of need, but especially forgiveness.  I tried over a lifetime not only to earn others’ love, but I tried so hard to earn and justify God’s.

I started my journey through the Bible about fifteen years ago and I found Jesus there.  And I’ve written for years now, the words God truly sends from my heart to my hand.  My work for the Lord – for hopeful help to someone for God’s glory.  I pray the words you read (hopefully) will inspire and feed a need some where.  This blog is to send the words I’m moved to write and need to write to feed my own soul.  I hope you are touched and I do hope if so, you’ll read my book also.  My work for God.

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As blessings tap us on the shoulder, there is a gift from our Lord.  A gift to our hearts, to warm our hearts – to hold our souls in a place where we see Him.  We know without a doubt who has blessed us.  For He alone knows our needs and our torments.  He alone will bless us in a world full of turmoil – as He has told us we would have in this world.  God alone.  He blesses us everyday…I pray each of us may see.

And see, Acts 13.5 “and be content with such things as you have…”  For remember “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” What a blessing indeed.

Look at our leaders in this world – they more and more show us we really don’t want their success as they think.  They are not in success – they are binding to our fruitfulness in ourselves.  They are greedy for themselves – they show what we don’t need to our salvation.  They show us how not to be.  As evil creeps in – they are taken.  They measure success physically, not inner-most spiritually.  And so they don’t follow God’s path (nor for us).  Their own agendas and their own success.  Not for me, as I’m not for them!  Just remind ourselves “those who exalt themselves will be abased.”

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Excerpt from book,  “Even the Despised”, pg. 63

“God has chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God has chosen the weak to confound the mighty”  and “things which are despised, hath God chosen…”  Despised mind you – in man’s wisdom we search for things not despised but looked up to and approved (man’s wisdom).  Yet the things despised may reveal where God works and where His wisdom be.  “God has chosen..” “to bring to naught things that are.”  So no flesh will glory – none of us to glory in ourselves.  For “he that glory let him glory in the Lord.”

All things in this world – all things – God knows and is in control.  All the tribulations of our world He has foretold us we would see.  Yet instead of judgment (by us) and seclusions, we need to search where God’s power may shine…may turn and may bring to naught so He may be.  …Remember the foolish and the things despised are where God uses for His purpose.  (and see I Corinthians 12:24 “For our comely parts have no need.”)

If we come to Him – He turns the foolish and despised (in us and in this world)..to naught.

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I want to be a tool to open your eyes and heart to know what I do.  To know the things of this world in our life, will smother us in heart and eat our very being from within.   And thereby comes fear.  In wherever our paths take us, therein lies that fear.  If we focus on this world and its woes.  Always that will be.

So my dear, I pray God opens your eyes and heart to see, it is not this world as we focus, but to God do we focus as our purpose of life!!  When we realize this world was created through Jesus by God – for God’s purpose to bring all to him in heaven (for eternity) by Jesus being born in this world (by God’s Holy Spirit) and suffering for all of us and then being resurrected again to God – He removes our sin and overcomes death.

There is our means to God for eternity.  That is our purpose in life.  And all our paths now and our woes therein bring us in need to God.  And this life prepares us and our hearts and souls through all our many struggles to God’s perfection from within.  God is our purpose.  Our purpose for even being.  What He asks now is we have a relationship with Him.  Focus on Him.  And in His words you will find Him.  In your needs as you read from the scriptures, He will open the treasures of His presence.  I promise.

So don’t turn aside Him as your needed help, God is the only help.  And then do your paths comfort from struggle and strife.  Yet others occur and always will.  And when we then turn to Him in reading, He reveals our strength and comfort once again.  In His care we always will be.  That is our life – over and over to Him in need.  And that prepares us by His grace – to His glory and peace in eternity.

What wonderful insights into the very being of our struggles, when we focus to God – not our struggles.  There is when He removes those struggles.  Not we ourselves, because we can’t – alone; only by His strength into our lives.

I’ve learned this my dear daughter from time spent with Him.  You don’t do as I, each is a different soul – yet I pray you quiet to God and focus on Him, to show His presence in you and you’ll see.  And you’ll fill with comfort and peace, in knowing He is always with you – you’re never alone.  And alone, thereby you’ll always see Him.  That is my comfort in the hardships my life brings to my own soul – not my world,  but my soul.  And our soul is what remains in eternity.  Therefore does your focus need be.

God will place all else in your path.  He alone (not you or me) knows our needs.  Because we are here for His purpose.  (Ephesians 2:10)  And He alone knows what it takes for us to get there to His glory and for His purpose (not ours) – it is His purpose this world even be my dear.

Don’t beat yourself up – be still and know He is God in you!!  Always.